QUESTION OF THE MORNING

"Will you wipe my butt?"

QUESTION OF THE DAY

Haven't we met before?

Capri Sun and Ritz Bitz

When teaching a 4yr. old the game of baseball...
Chalk drawn bases. 6 strikes and you're out. Okay, 10 strikes. Just hit the ball.
When you're the pitcher, don't run the bases. When you're the batter, don't run after the ball.
He knows the 'spit ball', and now he's coined his own 'buger bat'.
Just getting him ready for the little leaques, when I get to bring team snack and sit in a lawn chair with my mom butt shorts and visor. It's going to be hot and he's going to be good.

tis the season

I love summertime in the mountains. The uber chill people (first time ever, using the word 'uber'). Guys with knoty pony tails. Girls with knoty pits (not me, of course). Carhartt's and Chaco's. Patagonia and Keen's. It inspires me to cuddle up in a meadow and eat berries and squirrel meat. Be all natural. Do yoga in a tree and drink miso paste.

I HEART CONAN

i miss camping farts

It's summertime. Camping season. The smell of morning dew, ashy clothes, fired meat, and the person sleeping in your tent who just farted that smells like they ate a cigar. Seriously gross, but all natural. It must be the altitude, it must have been that bottle of tequilla, it must have been those cheetos, it must have been the corn on the cob eating contest, it must be camping season. I can't wait.

the talk

My son is curious why girls have bigger boobs than boys. Good question. But the answer is obvious to all women who are mothers, because they are milk 'jugs', of course. My son asks me if I used to put the milk from my jugs into sippee cups for him, at this point he is semi embarrassed and extremely intrigued. I try not to laugh, because this is a serious, not embarrassing, real-life, talk I am having with him, and he should not look at women and thier racks any other way than to believe that they are here for sustainable purposes only. I feel great about the relationship we are forming. My son can come to me about anything, and I will give him an honest answer he can understand that will help him become a good man someday. Then he laughs and points at my chest, calls them jellies and asks if gatorade can come out of them...